To Kill a Star
by PixelButterfly
Summary: Part 3 of 5 of my Birthday Bash! Seven-year-old Wang So is sent on a special mission by his father. He goes to Shinju with hopes of making new friends and meeting his new family. Child abuse, unreliable narrator, DL;DR


**Yay. More birthday stuff~** **Yeah... so Part 2 was happy so now here's Part 3 with angst.**

* * *

"But why? Why am I the one being sent away?"

Swinging my legs, I frown and watch as the maids pack my clothes into a trunk. My robes, toys, and study books- everything in my room fits into the trunks and I don't like it.

"Why? Tell me, Ji Mong!" I order, turning to the astro- astro- astro-mo-ner. "How come my older brother isn't going to Shinju? Yo is bigger! Tell Yo to go!"

Ji Mong smiles at me but I cross my arms. I don't like being mean, but Yo says I must be cross with underlings or they'll keep secrets. "Tell me!"

I must be scary because Ji Mong opens his mouth. "Young Prince, the king has given you the very special task of going to see his wife, Lady Kang of the Shinju Kangs. It's a very special mission, my prince. You are the only person he trusts to complete this mission!"

I purse my lips but I can't stop my smile and the bubbles of happiness that pop-pop-pop in my chest. I jump off my chair and bounce where I land, ready to hear more. "Did Father really give me a special mission?" I ask, eager to know. So he hadn't forgotten about me! "Did he really?"

Other people are not-nice to me because my face has lines and little marks on it, but they are polite because I'm a prince. My little sister thinks I look funny and giggles when I make faces at her. I thought Father had forgotten about me because I have lots of brothers and sisters and it's easy to lose little So when we are all together. I understand, of course. I know babies have to be cared for differently, so my little siblings need our father more than I do- because I'm a big boy!

Ji Mong nods and I hold my hands behind my back like I once saw my father do. Ji Mong is taller than me, but I know I'm a prince so he has to be nice to me. "Tell me of my mission, you!" I order him.

Grinning, I puff my chest out, proud that Father has chosen me over Yo and Prince Mu for this mission. I am the best man for the job! I can run faster than Wookie and I'm better than Wonnie at making little Yeon Hwa stop crying. Of course he would choose me! I may have lines on my face but I'm smart! I'm fast and good at sums even though I'm not very good at differences.

Ji Mong kneels before me- as he should!- and gives me a nod. "My Prince, you are tasked with making sure Lady Kang is not lonely. She is sad because like your mother, the second queen, she had a royal baby in her belly. But unlike the queen, Lady Kang lost your brother and is very sad. Your Highness, your mission is to become Lady Kang's son. She will love you and care for you because she loves His Majesty and you are the king's son!"

I feel sad that my little brother is dead, but I nod my head. A good king must make sacrifices for his nation. I will become the bestest son for Lady Kang! Of course Father chose me! I'm the best at making my sisters laugh!

The maids dress me in my pretty riding robes because I must look nice for Lady Kang.

Giggling, I touch my sleeves and run my fingers over the pink silk. There are golden flowers on my clothes and I like how they shine in the sun. My favorite belt is the blue one with the dragons on it. Only me and my brothers and the king are allowed to wear dragons because we descend from the Heavenly Dragon in the sky!

I have a few minutes to say good-bye before I leave for Shinju. I know Father is busy with king stuff and Mother has a baby in her belly so she mustn't be disturbed. Mother doesn't like seeing me, but I think the baby just makes her cranky. Princess Kim was cranky when Little Wook was in her belly, so Mother must be the same.

Walking around the courtyard, I wave when I see Little Wook. Little Wook is only four. He has the same name as Big Wook- who is the same age as me. Sometimes, Yo and Mu call Little Wook Baek Ah, but I like calling him Little Wook because it's easier to remember.

Little Wook is wearing the same colors as me and he holds his mother's skirts. I run over to where my little brother is but I remember to bow first to the princess. "Wang So greets the princess," I say, remembering my manners.

"Hello, Fourth Prince," the princess says. "I hear you are going to Shinju."

"I'm going on a special mission!" I accidentally blurt, but I can't help it! I get my first mission! I'm a man now!

I blush into my hands but Princess Kim only smiles.

"My Wook is going to miss you. Won't you miss your brother, Thirteenth Prince?"

When the princess shifts her blue skirts, I can see my little brother hiding behind them. I smile at my little brother when he whines and hides behind his mother. Little Wook can walk and talk but he's still a baby. He cries when Eun is rough during playtime.

Little Wook looks like he's going to cry but I wave because bigger brothers have to help littler brothers be less shy. "Hi, Wook!" I say, "I'm not gonna see you a lot anymore, so you have to be good, okay?"

"Bye, Brother," Little Wook whispers before hiding behind his mother again.

"Bye, Little Wook," I say back.

When Princess Kim picks Little Wook up, he hugs her neck and sniffles. Little Wook and Big Wook are both crybabies, but at least Big Wook doesn't throw tantrums when Eun is being not-nice.

I can see the horse I will ride to Shinju. Horses are too big for me to ride alone and they're a bit scary, but this time, I'm riding with a soldier because we need to go quickly. I wish I had my training pony, but ponies are slower than horses and princes should not be seen on training ponies.

No one else is around the large castle but servants and I don't like how no one is going to say good-bye. I feel sad because I love my siblings so much but only Little Wook has said good-bye.

Not even my blood-sister, Princess Nak Nang is here to see me. I wonder if Prince Mu will see me off, but he's always busy being beside the king. Prince Mu get's all of Father's attention.

"Your Highness, we must begin our journey if we are to arrive at Shinju by nightfall." I turn to the ten soldiers that will protect me on the way to Shinju.

My chest hurts and my eyes itch because I want to say goodbye to my family but no one is here and that's not-nice. I know I'm not supposed to cry, so I wipe my eyes on my sleeves and mount the horse. I will complete my mission and come home as a man!

The way to Shinju is long and feels like it lasts forever, but I like looking around. The trees are beautiful and the wind tangles my hair. I love the sound of nature and I love how the birds shout in the trees. It's funny.

I can't wait to meet the Kang people. There must be boys my age to play with me! We'll have lessons together and then practice archery and swordfighting. And I'll even play ball with them. They won't think I'm ugly, right? I know some of my brothers and sisters don't play with me because they think I'm ugly, but it's okay because now I can make friends in Shinju.

I'm not the handsomest prince, but I can be the nicest. If I'm nice then they'll have to be my friends because I'm good at playing ball and I can run fast.

The sun waves goodbye and when we ride through the gates of the Kang household, the moon spirits are saying hello.

My eyes are droopy and I want to sleep. My legs are achy and I want a bath.

Shinju is smaller than Songak. The walls are smaller than the castle and the houses are less big, but it's pretty. I like Shinju. I hope there are lots of adventures in the house I'll live in.

Walking around, I smile when a soldier guides me to a house with candles flickering inside. My new mother is in there!

The doors open and I can see her. I gasp in surprise because she's not what I expected.

Mother in Songak is beautiful and wears red paint on her lips and lines her eyes with black. She wears gold in her hair and only the shiniest, prettiest silks. I love Mother even though I remember she once accidentally hurt my face.

But, unlike Mother, Lady Kang has no paint on her face. She is pretty without paint and her hair has no gold or tinkling bells or pearls in it. I like her dress. It's green and yellow, and it has little fish stitched into it.

Stepping forward, I bow to my father's wife. I don't know what number she is, but she is my new mother, so I must be kind. "Hello, Mother," I say. I kneel in front of her.

"Ah!" I flinch when her hand curls around my face. I can feel her cold fingers digging into my cheeks and I wince when she pulls me closer. She's scary and her eyes stare at me until suddenly, I'm being pushed away and my head bumps the floor.

"Is His Majesty being facetious?!" screeches the lady. "How can he send me a vile wretch whose face his as marred as this creature?! How can I raise a beast?!"

I push myself off of the floor. My forehead kind of hurts, but I don't want to cry in front of my mother just yet. I need to show her I can be her brave son.

Her words are too big for me to understand, but I know some things she says. His Majesty is Father. Face… creature… raise… beast? Is Father going to get a pet? I'm confused, but I don't want to look not-smart. I nod my head and pretend I know what Lady Kang is saying.

"Lady Kang," I start, "my name is Wang So. I'm-"

"Remove it! Take it to its rooms! I refuse to look upon it's wretched face!" I want to cover my ears because her voice is too loud, but before I can, a servant steps in and guides me out.

"But… Mother, I'm a boy! I'm not an it!" I call out to her. When she does not answer, I sigh.

"Good night, Mother! Sleep well!" I shout instead. I hope she can hear me and I hope she smiles. I want to complete my mission well. My new mother is sad because she doesn't have a son, but I can make her happy. I know I can!

* * *

When I wake in my new room, I have my toys and books to keep my company.

Walking around, I wait for servants to dress me because after dressing, I can have breakfast. Today, I choose my blue tunic and golden dragon belt. My trousers are also blue and my hair is tied back.

Dressing is easy and I sit down at the red table where I will eat. My tummy makes little noises and I can feel it shiver because I'm hungry. Hungriness means meals or snacks. I like eating and sharing foods with my family, but I usually eat alone. People don't like looking at me while they eat. I don't know why.

A servant brings my food and I quickly pick my chopsticks up but…

The tray is so empty. I see a bowl of white rice and a bowl of soup.

"This is so little," I say. Turning to the servant, I look at her ugly face and wonder if she brought me the wrong food. This isn't a prince's fare. "Is Shinju poor? Is this why I am being fed this?"

I eat my rice and soup because I am hungry, but I wish I was back in Songak. In Songak, breakfast is steamed eggs and rice. I get buns stuffed with red bean that steam and burn my fingers, and I get lots of green and red and orange veggies that are covered in sweet sauce. There is a new soup every day and my favorite is when the soup is clear and has pieces of chicken in it.

But today's soup is murky and has tofu in it. I don't particularly like tofu but… if my subjects are also eating this fare, then I must eat what they eat.

Breakfast is boring, but I can't wait to meet the other boys in Shinju! My feet can't stay still because I want to go to my lessons that I'll share with the sons of the Kang family. The oldest boy is Yo's age and his name is Woo Gyung. There are three in the middle, and the youngest is the same age as Little Wook. His name is Woo Sung. The Kang family respects the tradition of naming boys with the same character, so it's easy for me to remember their names.

The boys are not very nice, but they're not mean. I think they're just not used to being near a prince. I should be kind. It's my duty as a royal to care for my subjects.

Kang girls are very pretty, but I don't like girls because they're no fun. They don't want to wrestle or have sword fights. Girls just want to braid hair and play with dolls.

Our lessons are about the country and about sums and about writing and reading. I'm good at sums, but the other boys tease me when I can't read some characters.

"Prince One-Eye, you can't read that? That one is 'so!'" shouts Woo Gyung. I frown at the strange character because it doesn't look like my name.

"My name is Wang So and that character is not my name!" I say back, pointing to the letter.

"Idiot, you're Prince One-Eye! And there are so many characters for 'so' that I can't believe you don't know any other than your own name!"

I don't like when they laugh at me. Their heads toss back and they laugh, but I try to remember that the character in front of me is 'so'. I bite my bottom lip to keep it from quivering. It's not nice to laugh when people don't know things. I want to know things like the Kang boys, but they won't be quiet enough for me to hear the lesson and I don't want to shout at them.

After our lessons, I go to my rooms and grab my favorite ball. It's made from cow leather and was brought from the Qing dynasty by merchants. I hope I can make the boys like me with a game. We can split into teams and play!

Lunch sits on my table- it's always the same. I look at the white rice and soup that was the same as my breakfast and sigh. I'm tired of such food. I want meat and veggies and eggs and buns and sweets.

Skipping lunch is easy. I want to play more than I want to eat.

When I go to the room Woo Gyung and his younger brother share, I smile. Their windows are open to let air in because it's nice and windy- perfect for a game.

I go near their rooms, but something doesn't feel right.

Peeking in, I sniff and stare at the table Woo Gyung and Woo Poong are sharing.

A small, glazed duck sits between them and there are so many colorful side dishes. I can see veggies fried in egg and there are even salty quail eggs- my favorite.

My mouth waters and my tummy grumbles because I only get rice and soup, but Woo Gyung gets an entire duck… but why? Why do the boys get so many nice foods when I don't get anything? How come I have to eat the same stupid food every day? How come I can't have the same as Woo Gyung?

Before I can ask if they can share, Woo Poong stares at me. "Hey!" he shouts. I shiver because he has a not-nice voice and I don't like it. "How come you're spying on us? Brother, One-Eye was spying!"

Woo Gyung turns and I can see the salty quail eggs. I wish I could have some. "Prince, shouldn't you be eating?" Woo Gyung asks.

I shake my head. "My food is bad, so I came to ask if you want to share… or play ball?" Holding the ball out, I smile. "We should pl- no!"

The ball leaves my hand and Woo Gyung tosses it between his hands as Woo Poong pushes me.

My bottom falls to the ground and it hurts. My pretty trousers are dirty and my dragon belt tears.

My eyes close and I cry out when something hits my head. It bounces away and I watch as a quail egg becomes dusty and uneatable. "Ow," I call. "Hey, give me my ball back. I don't want to play with you anymore. I'm a prince! You can't touch me like-"

"You're not a prince here," Woo Gyung says. I pause. Not a prince? But this is my father's kingdom. I am a prince. I'm the Fourth Prince, Wang So.

Woo Poong throws things and I shout when the eggs hit me. Falling eggs are like little jabs and I want my big brothers because they'd protect me from these meanies. "You're not a prince! You're our dog! You're a pet the king gave to our aunt!"

"No I'm not!" Stomping my foot, I try to be princely but they keep throwing food at me and I want my ball back. "No I'm not! I'm Wang So! I'm a prince!"

"Dog! Dog!" Woo Gyung whistles and my feelings hurt. I want to say things back but I can't think of mean things to say.

My eyes tickle and I feel my nose run. I can't help when I start crying. They're so mean to me. I want to be their friend but they keep throwing nice food at me and I don't even get nice food. They took my ball! I want my ball! Father gave me that ball!

"Give me my ball- I don't want- I don't want to play with you!" I shout at them, sniffling and wiping my eyes. I try to move past the food, but my pretty coat has sauce on it and my hair is sticky.

"Go away, dog, this is my ball now. Woo Poong, shut the doors. I can't smell any wolves or dogs or I can't eat."

I can't see any dogs nearby. There are no wolves either. But when I look back at the rooms, I can only see closed white doors.

"My ball," I say. "Father gave it to me. Why won't you give it back?"

My neck hurts and my eyes are dribbling. I can't stop the noises that come from my mouth because I want my ball and it's not fair. I just want my ball. It's red and leather and special because Father gave it to me!

Running to Mother's quarters, I try to speak to her, but she looks at my dirty hair and laughs. I want her to listen and to get my ball back from her nephews, but she won't listen and she's laughing and it's not-nice. It's mean!

"Princeling, Woo Gyung and Woo Poong are both older than you. Woo Gyung will become the lord of Shinju, so you should get used to being his dog."

"I'm not a dog!" Why doesn't anyone understand?! "I'm Wang So! I'm a prince! I'm-"

My cheek hurts and I hear a sound that only happens when I clap my hands together.

Falling over, I hit the floor again, but my face hurts so much and my eyes are crying again.

"Shut up!" Lady Kang screeches. "Shut up! Get out! I refuse to raise such weakness!"

Her hand swipes and my other cheek hurts.

"Dirty and disgusting! How can the king insult me in this way?!"

I run away. There's no one nice in Shinju and I want Songak. I want Mother and I want Prince Mu and Yo and Little Wook and Wookie and Wonnie and Eun and my sisters and Father.

* * *

I skip archery because that's when we're alone and the other boys pick on me. Archery is boring. I'm not good at it, so I don't care. Woo Gyung once hit me with his bow and said it was an accident, but it was on purpose and my arm turned purple the next day.

Instead of archery lessons, I take the bowl I had lunch soup in and go to the woods near the Kang house.

People here are allowed to hit me and I don't like it, but they say it's because I'm bad. I don't think I'm very bad, but they hit me and it hurts. I don't like Shinju.

But the woods are nice. There is a little stream and there are no people, so it's quiet and no one is mean. I like the woods.

"Wang So. I'm Wang So. Fourth Prince. My favorite brother is Wookie but Wookie once wet his trousers because Yo scared him. He cried and I laughed. I feel bad for laughing now."

I talk to myself because then I'll have someone with me: me! Giggling, I follow the stream so I don't get lost and I catch frogs.

Frog catching is more fun than being hit in archery lessons. Animals are nice and friendly. They must not be afraid of me because I'm still a baby dragon. I bet animals are afraid of Father because he's a big dragon.

There are two green frogs in my bowl. I cover the bowl with a leaf so the frogs don't hop-hop-hop away like they did the first time I tried to catch them.

Frogs are cold and slimy and they have funny eyes and don't talk. One once jumped onto my face and scared me. I laugh now, but I was afraid when it touched my face. I don't like when people touch my face. The lines on my eye still sometimes hurt.

Jumping around, I laugh and listen to the birds and the stream. Nature is nice. Another frog goes into my bowl and I run back towards the Kang house.

I set the frogs free far away from where I caught them because the frogs are like me. They're not home so they have to live somewhere else now. I hope the frogs don't get hit in their new home. They hop-hop-hop away from me and I like crouching low and watching them.

* * *

Collecting my books, I decide I don't want to go to lessons. I want to learn and become a good prince.

My left arm hurts because Woo Poong beat me during sword lessons and then Lady Kang hugged me but then hit me until I cried. The Kangs are mean, so I go where they aren't.

The forest is quiet except for the birds.

Climbing my favorite tree, I sit in its shade with a stick behind my ear and open my books, looking at the characters and scratching them onto the bark with my stick. This is my favorite tree because it's strong and reliable. Nothing else is as reliable as this tree, so once it becomes a year old, I'll name it.

That is… if I'm still in Shinju after a year. I hope I don't have to stay much longer.

I can't see the letters I write because I don't have ink, but I think my letters are as pretty as Wookie's. Wookie has nice letters and always gets praised for his letters. I hope that if I study and go back to Songak, I'll be able to please my teachers there.

I'm seven now, so I hope I can be back in Songak before I turn eight. Shinju isn't nice, so I want to go back home to be with my family. They're nicer than Shinju.

The tree is rough and I see ants on it, but ants don't hurt a lot and I think ants are better than Woo Gyung hitting me. He's mean and shouts at me. Ants don't shout.

Sometimes, I sneak away at night just to climb this tree and look up at the stars. There are so many of them.

I remember Ji Mong telling me that I have a star because I'm a prince. When I was born a great star flashed into the sky and told the world that Prince Wang So was born.

I don't know which star he was talking about because there are too many in the sky and they all look alike. I wonder if Ji Mong was lying. It's a crime to lie to a prince…

Sighing, I look down at my books.

"It's a crime to hit a prince," I whisper. My arms hurt. I want someone to hold me and hug me. Mother hugged me before she hurt me. She would kiss my cheeks and tell me stories. I want her. I wonder if she'll see me again after her baby is born. I want Mother to kiss my cheeks and tell me stories again.

No one is around to hear me sniffle, so I let myself cry just a little bit. Tears slide down my face and my nose runs. I want a hug. I want warm soup and a pat on the shoulder. I'll even let a servant be nice to me because I just want someone to talk to. I'm so alone. I don't like being alone. I want friends and family… but I'm just lonely little Wang So.

"Am I Wang So?" I ask. "Woo Gyung calls me Dog. Woo Poong calls me Monster. But they're not-nice. I'm their prince and they should be nice. I only wanted to be their friend."

I keep studying. I want to be just as good as the other boys so that they can't tease me and call me names. I want to be good at reading and writing so I can send Mother and Father letters and read their replies without help.

Looking down at my books, I keep writing on the tree and practice my characters. My hand shakes because the wood is rough, but I think on paper, my letters will turn out alright.

"Prince! Fourth Prince!" Why are people shouting my name? Turning towards the Kang house, I see men running around. Are they searching for me?

I wonder why so many strange and mean things happen in Shinju. This would not happen in Songak.

I climb down the tree and carry my books with me, running for the houses. Has someone come to see me? Are they worried I'm gone?

"What is it?" I ask when I return to the Kang grounds. Men kneel before me and I smile because I feel normal again. People should bow to me! I'm a prince, after all!

"Highness, we've been searching for you! You were not at lessons and you were not at your meals. Lady Kang has been so worried."

I wonder why my new mother was so worried when she always hits my face, but I follow the men that were searching for me. They take me to Mother's quarters and I bow to her.

I can hear her moving and I flinch because I don't want her to hit me, but instead, her arms go around me and I sit on her lap.

"Child, where were you?" she asks. "I was worried sick! How could you leave behind your meals and lessons without telling anyone? Mama was so worried about you!"

Lady Kang hugs me and I smile. She smells nice and she feels warm. I like this side of her.

"Look how skinny you are, darling. Why aren't you eating these days?"

"My food is boring and I don't get anything but rice and soup," I explain to her. "Woo Gyung gets duck and chicken, but I haven't had meat in a long time."

"We need to fix that!" I smile immediately and Mother keeps hugging me. "I'll have double what my nephews have sent to you! My little boy should never eat less than my nephews! You're a prince, my sweet!"

I feel Mother pull me back and I think she wants to look at me. Putting my best smile on, I try to thank her, but she screams when she sees me and I jolt in surprise. Suddenly, Lady Kang is scary and her hands aren't soft anymore. "What are you?! Changeling! Where is my baby?!"

"Mother, it's me," I try to say. "You were hugging me. I'm Wang So. I'm your so-"

"Get away!" Her leg shoots out and I fall when she kicks me. Her foot hits my hungry tummy and I shout because it hurts. "How dare you run away! We have fed and clothed you and taught you! Ungrateful wretch! Humility must be taught to those who don't have it. You will be punished!"

My tummy hurts and I want to stop crying, but I can't and I want Mother to stop shouting.

"I didn't run away, I promise!" Speaking is hard because I can't breathe and I close my eyes and curl into a ball when she hits my arm. If I curl hard enough, she'll not hit my face and head. If I curl just right, only my back will turn purple and I'll be able to sleep on my front.

Each time she hits me, I hear myself shout. I feel like hot coals are on me and my back is sizzling. Tears make me not see things and I tell her to stop but she keeps hitting me and calling me "monster." I want it all to stop.

"Take him to the cells! I will teach him humility if it is the last thing I do!" screams Lady Kang.

My body hurts so much. It hurts even more when someone picks me up and carries me. I can hear Woo Gyung laughing. Woo Poong is also laughing.

My body hurts and hurts. I just want my bed. I want to sleep forever and never wake up.

"I'm not a monster," I whisper. "I just wanted to read a little. I went to the woods to read in quiet. I'm not a monster. I promise."

I'm set down and when I look up, I'm trapped.

Wooden bars surround me and I'm in a dark room with only a few torches. Everything smells strange and water drips from the ceiling and into little puddles. There's a dry pile of hay in the corner of my new room.

"Where am I?!" I shout. "Somebody! Someone help! Please!"

I can't tell what the time is, but my tummy grumbles. I should have had breakfast.

The room is warm because of the torches, but I want food. My tummy aches and my body aches even more. I don't know if anyone can hear me, but I wipe my nose and my eyes on my sleeve and I wait. They'll bring me food soon.

"I'm hungry… I want food- I'll even have the rice and soup! I won't complain, I promise!"

I watch the water drip-drip-drip from the roof and the stone walls. I'm so thirsty. It feels like an animal is scratching at my neck and I want something to eat so badly.

I shiver when I hear a noise. I don't know where it's coming from, but something is making a noise and I don't like being alone. Alone is scary.

"Is anyone there?"

I look around but there isn't anyone and I want to cry again because I'm scared and my back hurts. I wait for someone to come let me out of my time-out. I know I should never complain about my food or wander ever again. I want water and I want my bed. I've been alone for forever now.

Something moves on the floor and I jump higher on my hay bed because I don't want it to bite me.

A big mouse runs to the puddle and dunks its face into the water. I watch as it drinks and rubs its ears with water. It's the size of my foot. It doesn't look at me but I'm afraid it might bite me.

"Can I drink that water, Sir Mouse? Tell me and I'll make you a lord."

The mouse runs when I talk, but I'm so thirsty.

Crawling over to the puddle, I look into the water and I see little stones and sand at the bottom. I don't want to drink water that's been on the floor but my throat is so itchy and my tummy is rumbling.

I can see myself in the water when I don't touch it.

I have long, black hair and it's tied back with a golden headband. I can see the marks on my eye. Am I ugly? Am I really a monster?

With one hand, I cover my eye. It doesn't hurt anymore, but my face looks nicer once I've hidden the lines. Maybe I should cover my face and then Woo Gyung and Woo Poong and their brothers will be nicer to me.

Crouching low, I dip my fingers into the water and bring some to my mouth.

The water tastes strange and it leaves a weird feeling in my mouth, but the itching in my throat goes away a little, so I drink more and more until the puddle is almost gone.

My tummy doesn't rumble as much, but I wish I had food. I want the boring rice and soup now.

Wiping my eyes, I try not to cry because princes aren't supposed to cry, but it's so hard. Everyone is mean and I just want to not be alone.

Tears fall from my eyes and fall onto my robes. They're my favorite pink robes, but I don't want pink anymore. I'll give my favorite pink robes away for some rice or just one steamed bun.

I wait and wait and wait. It feels like forever I'm in the room. I take naps and walk around and try to find Sir Mouse, but he hides somewhere I can't find him.

The little puddles are gone after forever and I'm still hungry and thirsty. I can't find any more water on the ground, but the bars have drops of water on them.

"Wang So, you have to be brave. You're a prince," I say quietly. "You're just… this is the hard part of your mission. Father gave you this mission because you're the best for the job, right? Even Sir Mouse is here to help. He told you to drink the water."

I look at the straw bed and wonder if I can eat that. Horses eat straw, so can dragons as well? My tummy rumbles painfully and I so wish I could eat something. I'm so lonely. I want the loneliness to leave forever. I can be hungry as long as I'm not lonely.

Reaching for the straw, I pick one piece up. It's long and a shiny golden color- like the candies I used to eat. I wonder if I close my eyes hard enough, the straw will become candy.

One bite and I know straw will never be candy. It's tough and sandy and tastes like dust. I spit it out but there is nothing to rinse my mouth out.

The bars that lock me in are slightly wet, so I stick my tongue out and lick the wood. I can taste pine and this water is nice to drink because it doesn't taste weird.

Before I can lick more water from the bars, my tongue feels like it's been pricked and I shout when something jabs my mouth hard enough that I can tasted blood. "Ow! Ah!" I can feel tears in my eyes because it hurts.

Using my fingers, I reach for the pinching pain and close my eyes when I pull it out from my tongue. A little piece of wood that's wet with my spit and blood comes out and I stare at it until my tears come and go. My mouth hurts as much as my back now and I don't want water anymore. I just want to sleep and wake up in my fluffy bed in Songak. I hate Shinju. I hate it so much. I just want Songak. I want my family.

Forever happens again. I call out for someone to please let me out, but I can't tell if they can hear me. Am I underground? Are they going to kill me? But it's a crime to kill a prince.

"If I die, Father will have your heads!" I shout. But wait, didn't Father send me here? He must have sent me here knowing I would face the mean Kang people…

"Do you hate me, Father?" No. It's a lie. I just lied about the king. Father loves me. Father knows I'm important so that's why he sent me on my special mission.

Laying on my bed, I curl onto my side so that my achy back doesn't make me cry more. I just want to sleep again. I don't know how many naps I've taken and I don't know how many times I've drunk the water around the room. I just want to sleep until the puddles form and I can have water again.

When I wake up, I can see a puddle and the water has drip-drip-dripped enough for me to drink from it. My body hurts and my arms and legs and back are achy and feel heavy. It hurts to move but my tummy is rumbling again and I want to make it stop.

I try to crawl to the puddle but my back feels like it's slowly pulling me backwards into a fire. My hands hold me up because I'm so tired that I can't even stand.

I get closer to the puddle and sit beside it, crouching over the water and scooping it into my mouth. The water doesn't taste funny anymore. I'm so hungry that even water tastes nice.

The puddle is almost gone and my tummy doesn't feel nice, but I just want to fill it.

Something tickles my foot and I scream when I see the mouse. It's so close. What if it bites me?!

My foot kicks out and I watch it fly into the stone wall. The gray animal squeaks and flops onto the floor. It doesn't move.

"S-Sir Mouse?" I scoot closer to the the furry blob. He's not moving. "Sir Mouse, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to- Sir Mouse?"

Mouse doesn't move and he doesn't breathe. I stare at him. I don't want to touch him. I killed him. I killed Sir Mouse. My first lord. I killed him. I'm a monster. I killed Sir Mouse.

"No! Sir Mouse get up! I order you to get up! You can't defy a royal order! Get up!"

Sir Mouse doesn't move and I start crying again. I don't want to be a monster but only monsters kill people for no reason. "Sir Mouse! Get up! Get up!"

My nose is runny again and I can't stop wiping my eyes. I didn't mean to kill him! I just didn't want him to bite me! I didn't mean to! I'm sorry!

I scoot away from Sir Mouse's body. He was my first vassal. I killed my first vassal. It was an accident… but Woo Gyung hits me and says it was on accident. So did I mean to kill Sir Mouse? Did I want to hurt him?

Sir Mouse doesn't move and my tummy rolls and churns. I don't want to be in a room with a dead person. It's scary. I don't want to be a monster.

My tummy rolls again and I fall forward and I feel the water come out from my belly. I throw up all over my robes and it hurts. My nose and mouth burn and my tummy feels bad.

The water is hot and it dribbles down my chin as I let it all out again. I can't stop and I know I'll be hungry again, but the water keeps coming out until I feel empty and sad.

The last thing I see is Sir Mouse. My head hits the ground and I fall asleep into sweet darkness. I like the dark now. The dark is safe. No one can hurt me and I can't hurt anyone.

I don't have to be brave in the dark.

* * *

 **I apologize.**


End file.
